Friday, December 09, 2005

to my sweet soul mate

My sweet sweet soul mate
That our love would be put to the test again and again, I doubt not. This, however so surreal, so Kafkaesque and yet so human, I did not expect. That a plain pneumonia, diabolical in nature, would threaten to steal you away, is not something that even in my wildest imagination I would think of. Which once again proves how little fertility our imaginings have when stacked against the life forces out there. This is gut wrenching through and through. The feeling of total revulsion, the numbness, the impotence, the sheer overwhelming sense of true powerlessness is indescribable. It would take the pen of a poet to do justice to the anger, the rage and the profound sadness that overtakes me. I must go on performing the mechanical duties of life, but I cannot pretend that all goes well. The sadness, the mind blogging intensity of it all transpires out of my pores. I cannot help it. I am disconnect and I am with you in some far way room out in the land of cowboys and great peaks. Today, Saturday, we would have gone to N.Y., we would have gone to a small room in the Upper West Side, we would have taken off our clothes, and we would have made sweet love.
It was not to be.
I cry silently and I prepare for a voyage. Into the unknown, where you you struggle with the forces of life and death. I join you reaching out my hand, my soul, my heart to you. I am only sure that I love you and that this love has much force. I want you you, I need you to be there for me, to rub my feet, to write me love letters, to tell me of your love, to just be there, I need as much as the air I breathe, I need your beauty, your vision of life, passionate, intense and driven., your weirdness and your uniqueness, vulnerability and angst, all, your hair, your mouth your hands your sex and ears, I need you to be there for me, to be here with me, I need you to say good morning to and to kiss good night , I will not take no for an answer
I am coming home to you...

This was in June of this year; all is well and we have made our home...

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